Snarky Printable Valentines

Not a fan of lovey-dovey Valentine's Day cards? Have a kid who would be mortified to hand out a card with hearts on it? If so, this collection of snarky valentines is for you! I've got booger and fart jokes, completely non-romantic cards, and "non-girly" valentines - something for everyone!

Nose Picking Valentine

Printable nose picking valentine

This valentine comes in four colors: the red and green shown above plus blue and purple. It's a little bit gross but a lot of laughs - perfect for kids and tweens!

Snot Valentine

Snot printable valentine

On a similar note, I have these snot/booger cards that are designed to be paired with a balloon! They come in four colors and there are two different sayings as pictured above.

STEM Valentine

Printable STEM valentine

Okay, so this one isn't snarky per se, but it's also not romantic or cutesy! Plus, it's a fun activity - kids can make hearts or whatever shapes they want out of the gummy candies and toothpicks that you include in the bag with these valentines.

Snot Slime Valentine

Printable snot slime valentine

Take the snot jokes one step further with a little baggie of green slime! Cut a slit for the 'nostril' and tape the baggie onto the back of the card with a little bit of 'snot' peeking through.

Love Stinks Valentine

Printable love stinks valentine

Hand out whoopee cushions to kids at your own peril - that's all I'll say about this one! I also have a pink version here

Poop Valentine

Printable poop valentine

Nothing like a good ol' poop joke! This digital download comes with two versions: one that says "with love" as pictured above, and one that says "from" instead.

Life Without You SOCKS Valentine

Printable socks valentine

Snag some $1 socks from Target (like these ones pictured) and boom - you have a snarky, non-romantic, and useful valentine!

Zombie Valentine Pack

Printable zombie valentine pack

This set comes with four different zombie valentines. You could tape a small piece of candy to the front or back of the cards, or just give them out as is.

Unicorn Fart Valentine

Printable unicorn fart valentine

To complete this card, cut a slit on the dotted line, pinch off some cotton candy and shape it into a fart (you know what I mean lol), and tuck a corner of it into the slit. Then put the whole thing into a treat bag or sandwich size baggie and fold and tape any excess bag to the back of the card!

Zombie Nose Picking Valentine

Printable zombie nose picking valentine

More nose picking jokes, but make them zombies!

Roller Skate Valentine

Printable roller skate valentine

This valentine doesn't have any hearts, pink, "love," or gooey-ness. Plus, who doesn't love donuts?! (But I have a pink/rainbow/hearts version as well)

Love Bites Shark Valentine

Love bites shark valentine printable

This treat bag insert works perfectly with some goldfish crackers or swedish fish as the shark's "snack." Tie the top of the bag with twine or a ribbon for a cute effect.

What's The Croco-Dilio Valentine

Printable crocodile valentine

Obviously, it's lame to get too excited about things in middle school, so allow your tweens to maintain their cool, laidback vibe with these croc valentines.

Don't see what you were looking for? Check out my entire selection of valentines here

Tiffany Everett

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